Remember when I was on Facebook and I was like, “Hey, Hailey has never seen real snow so tell me where to go to sled in tubes and ride in dog sleds and shit?” and you were like, “GO TO THIS PLACE BECAUSE IT’S AMAZING” and then I looked at the place and it was all,  “Um…did you know that snowy lodges are for rich people and are crazy expensive when you wait until the week before Spring Break to book it?  Do you even own a coat?” and that’s when I decided that maybe instead we should just take a road trip.  The problem though is that Victor and Hailey are extroverts who love people and I’m a hermit whose best idea of a vacation is a closet filled with books and cats who can’t poop.  So then we settled on a Spring Break road trip through Arizona, New Mexico, and maybe Utah and whatever other State we accidentally get lost in.  And it’s good because we’re going to see ghost towns and deserts and the Grand Canyon and those are all places that sound like fun and that are basically defined by a lack of people (and dirt) so everyone wins.

Also, we’re going ghost hunting and looking for outlaw cemeteries and maybe sleep in campy teepees and see the world’s largest pistachio.  So, yeah, it’s gonna be pretty bad-ass.  And yes, we’ll probably all strangle each other after spending a week in a car but I think it’ll be fine because this time I agreed to not loudly read books about human decomposition because apparently Victor hates science and knowledge.  But it’s okay because for Christmas I got one of those portable smart guitar jamstiks that you plug into your phone and I’ve never actually opened it so now I can learn how to play the guitar while we’re driving.

So we leave tomorrow and you should follow me on instagram because then it’s like you’re with me on a road trip.  It’s gonna be awesome.  Where should we go? Besides to see the giant pistachio.  Because that’s a given.

PS. I got a house sitter, burglars, and he’s packing heat.  And by that I mean that I told him to bring his own space heater because sometimes it gets cold here.  But also he probably has a gun because this is Texas.  Long story short, don’t come to my house.

PPS.  I just realized that for once my instagram is not going to be of cats and screenshots of video games about cats.  Now it’s gonna be a bunch of pictures of Victor looking really pissed.

PPPS. This is where I’d post a picture of the beautiful places I’m gonna go but I haven’t been there yet to take pictures so instead I’m going to post pictures of things I’m going to miss starting tomorrow when we leave.

Victor watching Cops and not being mad at me.  Dorothy Barker farting on Hunter S. Thomcat:

And Ferris Mewler lightly molesting the refrigerator while he begs for food:

ferris and the fridge

These are the few of my favorite things.  Especially the refrigerator.  This pistachio better be fucking amazing.  Also, that Grand Canyon thing.

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